Becoming
by flowerofsin
Summary: Prequel to "Heaven is at your side." The Hougyoku changes Tousen. Pairing: Tousen/Wonderweiss.


Title: Becoming  
Author/Artist: Eumenides (flowerofsin)  
Pairing: Tousen/Wonderweiss  
Fandom: Bleach  
Rating: T  
Theme: #4 - our distance and that person  
Summary: Prequel to "Heaven is at your side." The Hougyoku changes Tousen.  
Disclaimer: Kubo Tite owns everything, I own nothing but my imagination.

"I want to unleash your full potential, Kaname," Aizen explained, his voice echoing slightly in the spacious room as he beckoned for the other shinigami with one hand.

Tousen found that he could still refuse the man nothing, even as their dreams seemed threatened by the death of the Espada one by one, picked off by the Soul Society captains. There was still a chance for that dream to survive, and perhaps this was part of it.

Tousen's progress forward was halted by a sudden pull on his garment. The shinigami turned in the direction of the familiar spiritual power as a small form moved to spoon against him, a hand bunching in white fabric. Sighing, it brought a faint smile to his face. How the little one always seemed to worry on his account. Kaname placed a gloved hand on Wonderweiss' head, carding through pale locks. When had the arrancar picked up the mantle of being the shinigami's protector? The way that the arrancar tried to watch over him was touching.

Making a worried sound, Wonderweiss continued to cling to the man, trying to prevent his approach. He had the sudden fear of everything that mattered to him being ripped away. His face pressed to Tousen's side, he gazed warily at Aizen, the shinigami's expression betraying nothing as always.

"Everything will be fine, Wonderweiss," Kaname told the boyish arrancar. "There's no need to worry for my sake." With those words, he pulled away, his steps carrying him toward Aizen and his outstretched hand. Wonderweiss gazed anxiously at the man as he moved away, making as though to follow after him when a hand on his shoulder gave him pause. The arrancar looked up into Halibel's stoic face.

"There's no need for fear," she told him. "The Hougyoku made all of us stronger. It will do the same for Tousen-sama."

The room fell quiet as Tousen stood calmly before Aizen, Gin and the Espada watching from nearby. Kaname had been present when all of the arrancar were made. He thought that hollowification would be just as uneventful. Tousen soon found out that he was mistaken.

He could feel the warmth from the Hougyoku when Aizen activated it, wondering idly if the room was bathed in light. But then, warmth turned into the kind of heat that came from a deep chill. It seeped into Kaname's bones and his insides. He shuddered slightly until he felt almost choked by a wave of something that felt like despair.

Absently, Tousen heard voices remark at how the spiritual power had increased dramatically in the room. Kaname was more occupied with the remembered sounds and sensations that played within his mind. The joy that he'd once felt snuffed out as he learned of his friend's death, the depth of his pain as he stood at her grave. The whispers around him that he'd ignored as he first walked the halls of Seireitei. The screamed accusations as Kaname ascended in the sky, even from the one who he'd thought would understand, who he'd hoped would follow him.

Wonderweiss lurched forward as he watched Tousen raise a hand to his chest as shivers wracked his body. The arrancar was held back by Halibel's hand. He stilled somewhat as she shook her head in warning. A scream made Wonderweiss' head snap in Tousen's direction. He shook off the Espada's hand intending to move forward, but found that the spiritual pressure kept him back.

Aizen backed away a few paces as he watched the other shinigami with interest. Tousen fell to his hands and knees as if stricken, his visor falling off to reveal wide sightless eyes, swirling black moving in to replace white. Sosuke watched a white and black patterned mask begin to appear seemingly from nothing as Kaname groaned, his hands balling into fists.

For a few moments, the only sound in the room was Tousen's labored breathing. The vaizard raised his head, gazing in Aizen's direction. Sosuke's expression was unreadable as he regarded the former shinigami's masked face, the eyes cast in his direction chilling. Turning, Aizen beckoned to the ninth Espada, who warily stepped forward. "Let's see some of your new power, Kaname," Aizen said as he stepped away, reclaiming his chair as Gin moved to stand beside it.

The Espada ran toward the crouching vaizard, his sword upraised. Tousen moved to stand, then seemed to disappear from sight as he moved faster than the arrancar's eyes could follow. As he passed by the Espada, he drew his sword, slicing off the hollow's dominant arm as his blade moved in an upward arc. The Espada screamed in pain, blood from the severed limb arcing through the air as it flew, staining the floor. Red marred the white of the vaizard's mask and clothing.

"How wonderful," came Tousen's voice, eerie and sweet. "Blood falling down like rain. I wish I could see it. It must be beautiful."

The arrancar cursed, holding the stump of his sword arm with his hand to stem the flow of blood. "Why you, I'll-" he said before his words were cut off by a hand being shoved into his chest. He barely had time to cough before the hand closed around his heart, the heat of a blast similar to a cero disintegrating most of him.

"Oh, too bad," the creature in Tousen said. "Now I'll never know what you were going to say to me."

"How scary!" Gin said. "There goes the new number nine, and so quickly, too."

"It doesn't matter," Aizen replied, his cheek resting on his upturned hand as he watched the action before him with an eager eye. "We can always make another one."

The arrancar nearby drew back as the vaizard sniffed the air slightly. "Ah, something smells so good," he said in a wistful voice. His sightless gaze fell onto Grimmjow as he turned in the arrancar's direction. The Espada's eyes widened as a blur of movement came his way. Grimmjow barely had time to unsheathe his sword as Tousen's zanpakutou swung in a downward arc. The other arrancar scattered, not wanting to get caught up in the action.

Grimmjow cursed, the sound of the metal of their swords grinding against each other filling the room before Tousen seemed to disappear. The Espada felt himself grasped by the collar from behind before he was sent flying toward the far wall, landing against it with enough force to crack it. Winded, Grimmjow was able to move just before Tousen's sword slashed where his head had just been.

"What the hell?" Grimmjow exclaimed as he frantically tried to block the man's blows.

"Oh, what's the matter?" the vaizard said, his sword connecting with the Espada's with a metallic sound. "Don't you want to fill my belly?"

"Screw you!" Grimmjow shouted as he pressed his sword forward. He soon found himself shoved to the ground by Tousen's free hand as he tried to keep the man's zanpakutou from descending with his own sword. It seemed to be a losing battle when Tousen moved to straddle him, putting his weight behind it. Grimmjow could feel the sting of the blade as it bit into the flesh of his neck. It was all he could do to keep his head from being sliced off. Panicked, Grimmjow gazed up into the vaizard's eyes, wide and eager behind his mask.

"It's inevitable," the vaizard told him. "Just let me kill you, I'll make it fast." Grimmjow could feel the heat of the man's breath on his face. He turned away slightly as the man leaned down, lapping at a smear of blood across a pale cheek. "Mmm, so good! You're sure to fill me up."

_'What is this?'_ Tousen asked from within himself. It was as though someone else was moving his body, speaking with his voice. The thing's lust for violence washed over Kaname, making him ill. _'What am I?'_ He felt himself pause as he began to shiver. Grimmjow took the opportunity of the man's distraction to push at him and scramble away, a hand pressed to the wound on his throat. Kaname rose shakily to his feet. He could feel the blood that had soaked into his gloves. He could feel it drying on the skin of his arms. Stricken with horror, a scream tore from his throat. The mask shattered, the shards flying to dissipate in the air. Kaname fell to his knees, listening to his own labored breaths as his hands clenched into fists. Absently, he heard approaching footsteps before Aizen loomed over him.

"Magnificent," Aizen said, his voice filled with honest amazement. "What a high amount of spiritual power and such speed. I'd bet that none of the captains from Soul Society would be a match for you now, Kaname."

Tousen frowned as he moved to clutch his shoulders. There was a gnawing emptiness inside of him from which the hollow railed at him, annoyed at having his enjoyment stopped so abruptly. He turned in the direction of Wonderweiss and the other arrancar, feeling them recoil as he did so. Tousen rose slowly to his feet, his face a mask of a calm that he didn't feel. Bowing slightly to Aizen, he excused himself under the pretense of a need to make himself presentable once more. What he really wanted was to get away from that room and the stench of blood, of what he'd done. Tousen flinched as he stepped in a puddle of blood with a moist sound. As Kaname left, his heart sinking at a familiar form not trailing behind him, the murmured word of 'monster' from one of the arrancar was unmistakable.

* * *

Back in his room, Kaname stood before the mirror in the bathroom, his hands resting on the sink. His soiled clothes lay in a heap in the corner of the room. The water that he'd splashed onto his face dripped down into the sink to mingle with the bloodied water below. He'd had no idea that it would be like this. The remembered hunger for blood and suffering returned to him, making his stomach churn. Unshed tears stung Kaname's eyes as the creature began to speak to him in a tone he couldn't ignore..

_'I can't believe you didn't let me kill him,'_ the thing inside him said, referring to Grimmjow. _'He deserves it. Even you thought so once. Or is it only alright to kill for justice?'_ Tousen felt its unkind laughter echo inside of him._'Things like that are no fun if you can't enjoy them.'_ Its voice turned wistful. _'He tasted so good! I wish I could have seen his face when-'_

"Stop it!" Tousen told it, gripping the sink.

The hollow inside of him paid this no mind. It spoke to Kaname in a tone that it hoped would be persuasive. _'The things that the two of us could do together. You hate this putrid world as much as I do.'_ Its voice turned eager, on the verge of imploring._'Let's burn it all down. Let's eat and eat until there's nothing left. Come on, Tousen. I'm still hungry.'_

"Shut up! You're a-"

It laughed. _'A what? A monster? But I was born from you. Doesn't that make you a monster, too?'_

Tousen sank to his knees, pressing his forehead to the side of the cool sink as he gripped the edge with one hand. The whispers from the arrancar that he'd heard as he left the room echoed in his mind. To think that he was something that could horrify beings like them was unthinkable, but undeniable.

Kaname startled at sensing a familiar spiritual presence hovering by the doorway. He frowned, knowing what a sight he must be kneeling on the floor. He heard the arrancar utter a worried sound as he leaned against the doorway

"Wonderweiss," he began, "I was just getting cleaned up." Kaname heard footsteps enter the room. "Don't!" he exclaimed, making the blonde halt in his tracks. "I'm... I don't know what I might do if you come closer." Tousen cast his eyes down at his hands that were still bloodied with traces of gore that he couldn't see. The vaizard tried to ignore the nagging voice that railed inside of him in its hunger. "I might hurt you."

Wonderweiss shook his head, wanting to run to the man as Kaname raised his hands to cover his face, horror overtaking him. "I'm a monster!" he whispered, mortified.

"No!" Wonderweiss exclaimed, rushing forward to cling to the man. He threw his arms around the vaizard's shoulders, not caring about the blood that stained pristine white. "No," the arrancar reiterated, wanting Kaname to believe it.

His head in the crook of the small arrancar's shoulder, Tousen gradually raised his arms to return the embrace. His eyes widened at the soft press of lips to his cheek. Tears burned Kaname's eyes anew. He tried to blink them away as he held Wonderweiss as closely as he could, letting the warmth from the small form drive the chill away that had moved to fill him.

"How do you even bear it?" Tousen asked the blonde in a shaky voice, the gnawing emptiness inside of him threatening to swallow everything that he was.

"Like this," Wonderweiss answered simply as he pulled the vaizard tightly to himself, nuzzling against his neck. Hands fisted in the arrancar's white garment as Kaname's body was wracked with sobs.

End


End file.
